As a tween, which is official described as a child age ten to thirteen, life can get very complex. Their bodies are changing thanks to puberty. Their friends are continuously changing (especially for girls) thanks to the school environment and social ins and outs. What’s more, they are just starting on their more difficult portion of schooling, the middle school years. There is little doubt that your middle school tween is going to face a number of challenges over the next few years, but that does not mean they should not have boundaries in place and be able to handle their responsibilities.

Changing Times, Changing Rules

As your child gets older, several things are likely to happen. You are likely to see their ability to help out more and you may want them to do more things around the home. They may see their older age as demanding of more responsibility and the ability to be their own person. Finding a compromise will mean setting down a few rules and working together to find a way to get along well enough to call each other family.

Should you change the rules as your tween ages? There are some rules that will not change, for example, it will always be important to share, to be respectful and to mind their parents. On the other hand, there may be some rules that do get modified over the next few years. For example, you may give your child the ability to hang out with their friends without a parent’s guidance. You may be willing to allow them to stay up later on the weekends.

The key here is not whether or not to change the rules; it is that once you do change them to follow them yourself. Your child is likely to demand more freedom and they may be more opinionated than you remember them being. These are all stages that allow the child to come into their own, and to be expected. That does not mean, however, that they can break your home rules. Lay down the guidelines and set the punishments and warnings. Then, follow through.

Once your child’s rules are in place, tweens will need reminded, probably quite frequently. However, you do need to follow through with their punishments when they just do not follow your guidelines. The guidelines are in place to help educate them and to keep them safe. They know that (if you have explained it to them) and you should know that. Therefore, it is a matter of just following through.

Giving And Getting

As a tween, there will be more changes in life than ever before. When you do set the rules and your child does follow them acknowledge this. They may no longer be interested in getting a sticker on a chart and they may not want to spend an afternoon playing at the park anymore for a job well done, but they will appreciate you acknowledging their good job.

Here are some times when you may forget that your tween is doing what they should:

Your tween does get their homework done after school, you did not have to tell them.

Your tween helps out with younger brothers and sisters.

Your child spends some time talking with you about something completely off the wall, they are bonding.

Your tween comes to you with a problem, you help them

It is very easy for parents to see the bad since that is what all people focus on. As your tween moves from a teenager into the land of being an adult, though, you will need to realize that they too need your guidance and most importantly their support, if they will navigate the waters successfully.

Setting the boundaries and following them yourself is the best way to set the example for your tween. Be sure that you too are practicing what you preach. They will appreciate you for doing so and they may even find you to be the example they want to follow. On the other hand, there is likely no way that they will actually tell you this. Rather, they would have you believe you are the enemy. Do not worry; the tween years don’t last too long.

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